🌌 Weekly Wondering 2023-W16
Meeting a fan, content creation philosophy, solving relationship problems
Welcome to another edition of Weekly Wondering, a sacred time where I share the resonating links, reflections and learnings from my past week to influence your next one ;)
This newsletter is my version of learning and thinking in public, giving me time to expand on ideas that may turn into more refined content in the future.
✨ In My Life
I should be working on the announcement video for Obsidian University, but I didn't want to miss two weekly wonderings in a row 😭
Getting confronted because of my content
Back in January, my team was asked to fill out a PowerPoint page about themselves to help other coworkers know more about us.
I thought to myself, what better way to get free publicity for my content creation?
And so, I shared some books I liked, the fact that I was interested in content creation, and other generic stuff about me.
I was hoping to have someone new to chat to about my interests, but no one reached out to me ;-;
Now fast forward to April, where my team got moved from the 3rd floor to the 2nd to cram everyone like sardines and encourage social interaction.
As I was working away, someone suddenly came up to me, and called for my attention.
I looked up, was expressively confused, and he ended up apologizing saying it was the wrong person.
But then later on, he does the same thing, but this time asks me for my name...
Turns out, he looked into my content, more specifically my newsletter 🤯
My intrinsic drive for content creation sparked aflame.
Patrick commended me for my focus on exploring my inner self, focusing on intrinsic satisfaction rather than the external rewards commonly chased by my age group through money or fame.
To put that energy into reinventing yourself and spending time on what was more important.
As a creator, it's easy to grow an ego and feel "superior" to your fans because they lack an audience themselves.
But I think that's an insecure perspective.
When you create content, you're shining a lighthouse for other like-minded people to resonate with and have a path to follow.
For me personally, someone having an audience is admirable since it demonstrates a lot of other qualities like self-expression, entrepreneurship, and discipline.
But at the same time, those qualities can be expressed or compensated for by other means.
For example, he's exhibiting all of those traits by working on an app that makes accepting cryptocurrency much more accessible for shop merchants.
Just being able to foster those meaningful conversations fuels me to continue on this path, and I'm really appreciative of the experience
If you're reading this Patrick, thank you for your courage, and hopefully we can play league soon 😎
🔗 Links to Thinks
Navigating uncertainty as a creator
If I were to share a video that best illustrates my personal philosophy behind the beauty of content creation, it would be this podcast appearance by Paul Millerd.
Paul Millerd is an ex-strategy consultant that quit his 9-5 to write about the ongoing "pathless path", going against traditional norms by pursuing an independent career.
Essentially, he breaks it down into three points:
In the pathless path, fulfillment and autonomy is the main focus
content creation should not become another rat race or path
if you are
do things you will be able to do for years on end, not just trends
focus on finding what you're passionate about first, then try your hardest to keep it sustainable
In a society built around following expectations and traditional systems, we're constantly forced to suppress our dreams and inner desires
It's time to bet on ourselves
be an inspiration for others to do the same
Know the pros and cons behind this new change of life
Pros
Pure autonomy
Are not forced to wake up to work for someone else, have the most time freedom
Cons
Just the constant uncertainty that comes with having to bet on yourself
Weekly dose of Sivers
Derek sivers mini snippets of book
I just really enjoy the reminder to be nice, even if it's the little things. It's easy to take people's efforts for granted, and such simple gestures can profoundly strengthen the meaning and connection of the people in your life
Just an interesting read about being indifferent to people's reactions as a result from one's strong self-image
Sometimes it's good to overestimate, as it will land you a more realistic result after being re-corrected by biases
Counteracting irrationality with irrationality
Most relationship problems are unsolvable
According to John Gottman's research, 69% of relationship conflict is unsolvable.
Chances are, you and your partner are not the exact same person 🤯
Whether it be values, hobbies, or social circles, some things are just different, and that's perfectly acceptable considering the fact that you know, you are two different people who have lived a whole life before getting together.
These differences will last an entire relationship, and that's okay.
What's important is that you don't end up in Gridlock, where both people are stuck in their stances without willing to comprise or budge to compromise for the other person.
To do so, we need to accept reality and learn to perpetually handle these problems, or else it will only bring resentment.
Decide whether it's worthy
Sometimes it's not about the problem itself, but more so how important it is for both of you and how much they are willing to share the effort to overcome it.
First, the responsibility is on you for clarifying this problem from your own perspective:
Is this a minor annoyance, or is this a deal breaker?
How often does it happen?
Just because it's constant doesn't mean it's a deal breaker
Have you been able to empathize with them, or are you being selfish with your needs?
If not, having a conversation about it might not be productive
Detach yourselves from the situation and cooperate
When bringing something up, always preface the conversation with cooperation and love.
Change how you relate to the problem; you don't cut off a friendship because of one thing, instead, you learn to accept and deal with it.
It's not a “you” and “them” problem, its a “we” against “it” problem.
This also affects how you communicate about the problem, as instead of hinting to them to do all the change, "you should do x", it should be a collaborative effort "what can we do to overcome this?".
The goal is not to eliminate the problem completely but to turn it into a problem you can live with.
Recently I felt like my needs weren't being met in the relationship, but as I tried to communicate this feeling, it only led to more problems.
Instead of appreciating their efforts, I didn't realize them and focused on the deficiency in other areas (which feels awful from the other side since not only are your efforts not being noticed, you’re being asked to do something extra, something that’s not really part of who you are).
Instead of viewing it as an external problem, my insecurity led me to believe I was the victim and expected a change in their behavior, while in reality, I was imposing something unreasonable.
It wasn't until later when things got escalated that I realized I hadn't been fully listening and accommodating.
After really putting myself in their shoes did I realize it was all just built on false assumptions, and there was nothing wrong 😭
🚀 Actionable Tingz
After a little over a month of following the physical fitness plan I mentioned last newsletter consistently, I've been starting to see results 🤯
I first weighed myself on March 16:
126.4 lbs total weight
59.5 lbs muscle mass
15.9% body fat
And just today, on April 23rd, I've jumped to
133.7 lbs total weight
62.6 muscle mass
16.6% body fat
Aside from feeling tired after my workouts, I've really enjoyed incorporating this into my daily routine. It's lewt me:
Be more carefree about my calorie intake (as long as I hit enough proteins!)
Start a new shared activity with my cousin that isn't gaming
Find fulfillment in optimizing another part of my life
It does take a lot of time (8-10ish hours a week), but I think it's time I make up for my past life of sitting down 24/7...
🤔 Food For Thought
Fiction like anime and gaming isn't unhealthy escapism or a waste of time if used responsibly. It lets you dream in a world where people are just following a traditional path, to fuel your creativity and experience things that you normally might not have in a lifetime.
I also shouldn't look back at previous times of obsession towards these hobbies with complete disappointment.
I got to form close bonds with friends and embark on adventures in an environment where I wasn't able to because of overprotective parents and mundane surroundings.
It's a weird thought so bear with me, but some games or media can provide a sense of awe and purpose that can compete with a person's entire lifetime.
Sure most of these stories are not realistically attainable, but I think that's the beauty of fiction.
You get a break from your daily routines and complacency to get a glimpse of what other things human potential has to offer.
Without it, I'm not sure if I would have the inspiration to dream and imagine what I'm capable of myself.
😤 My Ramblings
How I first got started into productivity
Recently a viewer got into productivity, and came across my Habitica video.
Upon joining my discord, he was curious as to how I personally got into productivity in the first place. And to answer...
i think it started because of three things: i feared death and wasting life, and due to personal problems i worried about finances
i used to have really strong fears about the idea of losing your consciousness after death, and it made me scared about being forgotten from the world, that i wouldn't be able to cherish the things i value in my life right now, and that i wouldn't be able to do the things i want to do in the future.
and as a result, during my senior year of high school i had a bold desire to try and leave a meaningful impact on the world through some creation just so i would be remembered past my death. that i would optimize and make the most of my days so i could do as much as i possibly could.
financial freedom sounded alluring, as i could focus less on survival and more on my hobbies and self-actualization.
and obviously the above takes time to cultivate, but i used this surging motivation to become workaholic, being able to apply the productivity practices i learned without having to worry much about the mental friction associated with deep work sessions or doing hard things. the idea of a regretful death where i wouldn't be remembered was scarier, and being productive seemed like a happier alternative.
and so i read a book or two a week, i started learning a lot and doing a lot on my own time (self-learning code, content creation, etc), and at the time i found an accountability buddy @Leoh to help me stay on the right track and bounce ideas with :p
at the same time i made content on what i was learning just to share my experiences, which led to my obsidian and habitica videos
so yeah, very selfish reasons but now i've learned to find a healthier balance thanks to just reading more grounding books like four thousand weeks: time management for mortals
also wanted to note that this feeling of urgency and drive/motivation came from viewing my history of gaming and passive content consumption and hedonistic socializing as negative and unfulfilling, so i wanted to make up for the years of my life I "wasted". but now i would say doing so is a bit extreme (but undoubtedly did work)
My Tools for Learning and Growth
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